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How to Stuff a Wild Enron:
Too Little Regulation . . . or too Much?
By P.J. O'Rourke
The Atlantic Monthly
April, 2002
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Beyond a certain point complexity is fraud. It's the Airline
Ticket Price Axiom. Am I getting the best deal on my airline ticket? How
could I know? To map the labyrinth of airline-ticket pricing structure I
would have to spend a greater value in time, at the minimum-wage billing
rate, than the value of the money I'd save. Or it's the Finnegans Wake
Postulate. We all know that Joyce, the old soak, was just scribbling a
learned version of what Jack Nicholson typed in The Shining.
Maybe "complexity is fraud"
doesn't apply to mathematics or the physical sciences. Nevertheless,
when someone creates a system in which you can't tell whether or not
you're being fooled, you're being fooled. This is true in the
intellectual food chain from the fine arts, literature, and sociology on
down.
And Enron was pretty far
down—down there among the cunning weasels of ratiocination. What Enron
was doing, what caused investors to embrace it in a rapture of baffled
awe, was hiding debt. Several friends of mine who work in finance tried
to give me a simplified model of the kind of thing Enron would do: Enron
would have some business in which it had invested a lot of money. But
that business wasn't making a profit. Enron would form a partnership
with outside investors. The partnership would buy the business. But
almost all the money to buy the business would be lent to the
partnership by Enron, usually in the form of stock. Enron would count
the sale of that business as income and count the loan to the
partnership as an asset. The unprofitable business would disappear from
Enron's financial statement, because under accounting conventions, if a
mere three percent of capital is brought into a partnership from outside
a corporation, then the corporation doesn't have to carry that
partnership on its books. Enron's liabilities were turned into black
ink.
Enron engendered these
partnerships with wild fecundity and in many variations; but some of the
most important of them, to stay vital, depended on a high market price
for Enron stock. Meanwhile, Arthur Andersen auditors were standing by
reciting the only joke that makes accountants laugh: "Q. What's two
minus two? A. Whatever the client wants it to be."
I've got to hurry and hire
Arthur Andersen before everyone in the firm gets sent up the river to
Club Fed. I'm going to tell my new accountants, "I had this expensive
divorce. But I figure you can list it as an asset. Because, believe me,
no matter what that divorce cost, it was worth it."
Enron was, by the common if not
by the legal definition, defrauding the people who bought its stock. Is
there something in the American capitalist system that encourages such
fraud? Yes: the regulations against it. Generally accepted accounting
principles consist of 144 standards, each requiring a volume of
explication. Title 17 of the Code of Federal Regulations, covering
commodity and securities exchanges, is 2,330 pages long. Federal tax law
runs to 3,778 pages, with an additional 12,888 pages of IRS tax code
regulations.
There are plenty of places to
hide in this vast briar patch of dos and don'ts. Enron broke the rules
of ethics. But the corporation's worst sins seem to have been lawful:
the Gordian partnership ties, the tales of profit and growth enhanced
for dramatic effect, the taxes avoided by sending revenues on vacation
to the Cayman Islands, the freezing of employee 401(k)s in the ice-cube
tray of the company's own stock, the auditing firm with about half its
Enron fees gained from provision of other accounting services, so that
Arthur Andersen accountants were cooking the very books that Arthur
Andersen auditors were expected to swallow. And so on. According to
The Economist, even Kenneth Lay's eleventh-hour stock sales may not
have violated SEC regulations, because Lay was selling the stock to
repay personal loans from the corporation; hence insider-trading
restrictions did not (for reasons known only to someone who reads and
marks with Hi-Liter pens all 2,330 pages of Title 17) apply.
Enron was supposed to be a
supporter of marketplace deregulation. In a January 21 Newsweek
article, "Who Killed Enron?," Allan Sloan wrote,
At a
dinner I had with [the former Enron CEO Jeffrey] Skilling in the
late 1990s, he was like a religious zealot who couldn't stop
repeating his favorite mantra ... There are rolling blackouts in the
Midwest? Deregulate. Some energy companies look like they're price
gouging? Deregulate more. And if salad dressing had dripped onto my
tie? ... You get the picture.
But Jerry Taylor, the director
of natural-resource studies at the Cato Institute (which really
favors deregulation), points out that Enron lobbied for strict price
controls on rates charged for access to power grids. Except when Enron
lobbied otherwise, in places such as Texas and Louisiana, where Enron
had bought those power grids. Then legislators were urged to let grid
owners do what they liked. Bill Keller, the author of a January 26
New York Times column titled "Enron for Dummies," wrote, "Enron
believed in reducing regulation of Enron."
And so believes every other
regulated industry. This is why regulated industries set out to
"capture" their regulatory bodies. Usually the tranquilizer guns and
large nets work well. On the front page of the January 28 Wall Street
Journal a headline read "FEDERAL REGULATOR OFTEN HELPS BANKS
FIGHTING CONSUMERS."
The Cato Institute's president,
Ed Crane, calls generally accepted accounting principles "skewed in
favor of management, not investors." Of course they are. Enron's
management paid Arthur Andersen $25 million in auditing fees in 2000. I
paid H&R Block $80. The SEC allows an astonishing conflict of interest
in large financial-services firms that can make fortunes doing
investment banking for corporations and then make more fortunes advising
me to buy stock in those corporations and taking a commission when I do.
The so-called Chinese wall between the two sides of the business is as
effective as the one that Genghis Khan walked through the gates of in
the thirteenth century. Enron stock reached a high of $90.75 in August
of 2000. According to The Wall Street Journal, only one Wall
Street analyst put a "sell" recommendation on it before the price fell
below $10. And this despite a damning article in the March 5, 2001,
Fortune (when Enron stock was trading at $70) by Bethany McLean, who
called Enron's business activities "impenetrable to outsiders" and
"mind-numbingly complex" and said, "As for the details about how it
makes money, Enron says that's proprietary information, sort of like
Coca-Cola's secret formula."
Regulation creates a moral
hazard. We don't understand finance, but it's regulated, so we're
safe. "Regulation," Jerry Taylor says, "dulls the senses that you would
take into an unregulated situation. If you hear screaming in the middle
of the night, you assume it's hot sex, not murder."
Regulation of the marketplace
isn't bad. The problem is, rather, that the regulation we have now is
too good—at least in its intent. Our regulatory bodies strive to create
honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an
advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all
trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the
other, and the other person thinks the same. And you will always have an
uncle who's heard about a merger on the golf course, whereas I've got an
uncle who gets his inside information at the OTB parlor.
Regulation would be better if
its goal were not to ensure probity in finance but to rake muck. Get all
the dirty laundry out in public: the ripped bodice of the hostile
take-over, the stock jobber's filth-splattered britches, the soiled
undershirt of dodgy bookkeeping, and campaign funding's reeking,
horrible socks.
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