Managing Emotions in the Workplace

"Emotions must be managed the same way as time, equipment, funds and other resources.  Too often, uncontrolled emotions are the product of excessive stress. Left to grow, fiery emotions can actually fuel the feelings of stress, leading to further angry words and unproductive activity. We can't always control feelings of stress, but we should make an effort to control the disruptive emotions that they may trigger."

• Pay attention to your emotions. They cause you to focus on what is happening around you and they put you in touch with how you are responding to a particular situation. Don't ignore your emotions hoping the situation will go away. It won't.
• Realize that emotions are a part of the workplace. Some emotions, in fact, are critical to business success. Enthusiasm, for example, can produce workers who are more productive. But employees who let their negative emotions run rampant can hurt themselves and the company.
• Determine the source of your feelings. Is the anger or distrust caused by a bad experience in the past rather than something that is happening now? Could it be stress? Talk about feelings-yours and the other party's. Try to identify what triggers you, understand your responses and develop behaviors that allow you to be more objective.
• Express your feelings in a non-confrontational manner. This can be done by using "I" messages, where you say, for instance, "I feel angry because…" rather than, "You made me angry by…." The first approach explains your feelings without accusing anyone else, while the second focuses blame on the opponent who is likely to become hostile or defensive in response.
• Acknowledge the other party's feelings as legitimate. Although you may feel differently about the situation, your opponent's feelings are real, and denying their existence or validity is likely to intensify them. Allowing feelings to be expressed and recognized helps release those feelings so you and the other party can move on to deal with the issue in dispute.
• Request a "time out." This allows for regrouping emotionally and for reflection. Walk away from the situation. Removing yourself will enable the other party to regain control and also give you time to think about how you can best handle the emotional outburst. But set a reasonable time limit when both parties agree to reconvene.
• Maintain a neutral body and voice. By keeping your body loose and your tone neutral, you are more likely to remain calm. You won't rile the other person, either.
• Focus on the positives. Rather than asking what you don't like about the environment, ask people what they do like about their work? What should we keep on doing, what should we stop doing and what do we need to start doing? By setting the example of speaking about the positives first, others will feel valued for what goes right and can focus more easily on what may need to be changed.
• Be non-judgmental. Listen actively without interruption to what your colleague, boss or customer has to say without determining whether it is right or wrong, good or bad. If you feel you have to defend your side, be honest and alert the other party that you disagree or he or she has offended you.
• Turn off the heat. Don't let tensions reach the boiling point. Ask directly what is happening if you sense that something is going on. A major mistake in dealing with emotions is letting them grow to the degree that people are no longer talking to each other. Instead, they are screaming at each other or ignoring each other.
• Treat everyone fairly. Set up and follow clear policies and procedures. Having rules in place minimizes emotional conflicts.
• Offer help when it's needed. When a colleague has a difficult job before him or her and could use a hand, and you do nothing to help, he or she is likely to be annoyed. The stress of the task itself is made worse by the emotional feelings of abandonment.
• Ask workers what's on their minds. Particularly what can be done to make the workplace a more positive environment? A meeting that addresses workplace problems serves as an outlet for employees to share their complaints and come up with solutions. Use your acceptance of what they say as a way to get employees to open up more.

PASS

• It's pizza -- not rocket science. Kudos go to Tana for bringing her team back to basics with a focused idea. Tana has a knack for being able to cut to the chase while her teammates are furiously debating each other. Her concept for a "Mangia Meatball" pizza was a simple idea that brought needed focus back to her team.
   

• Emotional maturity. Alex handled the conflict with Chris well. Chris started it by yelling at Alex, "You need to sit up there. I'll make the f***ing  pizzas." Alex's response didn't match Chris' intensity. Alex gave him behaviorally specific feedback and drew a boundary, "I don't like you yelling at me." In sharp contrast, Chris demonstrated again, his inability to control his anger by responding with, "Get the f*** out of my face. Never talk to me like that again." I give Alex a lot of credit for not rising to the bait with an equal display of emotional intensity.
   

• Targeted marketing plan. Kendra and Tana designed and executed a smart marketing strategy to sell large orders to larger banks and offices within a five-mile radius of their mobile unit. Their plan was targeted, specific and smart.
   

• Team spirit. Tana is a great cheerleader. She consistently leaves her team feeling uplifted and inspired with her high energy.
   

• Being genuine. Tana is very genuine and congruent in her communication style, which is a great strength in leadership. She is comfortable and consistently at home with herself in interactions with others. She noted that the pizza tasks prompted "a tear in my eye" as she remembered her "grandma's kitchen." You can't fake being genuine. Leaders who speak authentically from their own values inspire others.
   

• Honor your commitments. Stephanie deserves credit for doing the right thing and honoring the commitment that Alex and Chris had made the day before with a pre-sale to the Brooklyn construction workers. In business, honoring agreements and commitments is absolutely critical to long-term success. It's the professional and right thing to do. However, Stephanie is at fault for failing to find another way to make good on that commitment than delivering those pizzas herself.

FAIL

• Marketing plan that was "out to lunch." Net Worth's marketing plan was limited to selling to their walk-up traffic and having fliers delivered to nearby NYU dorms. College students don't always have a lot of spending cash, are not necessarily in their dorms at noon, and Net Worth blew it by not marketing to nearby bustling Union Square.
   

• Who is running the show? Leaders don't bail in the middle of a task and leave their team to run a menial errand. Stephanie, as the leader, should not have been the one to deliver the pizzas to Brooklyn, using up 20 percent of her time that day. As the project manager, she was responsible for coming up with a creative way to resolve the problem of getting the pizzas delivered to Brooklyn. Marginal analysis tells us that if she could have sold the pizza for more in the subway than it cost to have another pizza delivered to Brooklyn from another store, she should have done it.  Often the difference between winning and losing can be a small percentage. How much did Net Worth lose in potential sales by having their leader disappear for more than an hour and a half on a pizza delivery?
   

• Out of control. Although he once again dodged the bullet, Chris' days are numbered. He makes for good television but not necessarily a good hire. His temper and inability to control his angry emotions are all too evident to Trump, boardroom adviser Carolyn Kepcher and his teammates. Leaders cannot effectively influence and inspire others through angry intimidation and out-of-control outbursts. Trump may have chosen the weak leader over Chris this week, but there are stronger leaders in the candidate mix who don't have angry outbursts who will beat Chris in the end.
   

• Leaders require backbone. Stephanie failed to stand up for herself in the boardroom, displaying a lack of guts, gumption and backbone. She whined to Trump, saying, "I'm not used to working in a volatile environment." This was the wrong thing to say to a man who has demonstrated a strong preference for people who thrive in a tough environment. Effective leaders need to be effective in all kinds of conditions, including when conflict emerges.

The Report Card

Net Worth: Effort -- Performance -- Creativity --   C C C-	WEEK TEN BOOK SMARTS Magna STREET SMARTS Net Worth
Magna: Effort -- Performance -- Creativity --   A A B