Communicating in Stressful Situations

"In the pace and pressures of business today, it is not uncommon for emotions to run high in the workplace. It is not acceptable, however, for disagreements to escalate out of control and take the focus off of the bottom line and away from the goals of the organization."

• Identify the issue, not the emotion. Ask the individual to explain the difference in opinion and indicate by your tone and comments a willingness to work to resolve the conflict.

• Ask questions about the nature of the problem to better define it. The best questions to ask are open-ended ones; that is, ask questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" reply. Once you have brought your differences to the surface, you can work toward closing them and resolving the conflict.

• Give the other party time to vent-to a point. Acknowledge the person's right to be upset, but don't let the conversation get out of control or cycle again and again. Listen respectfully and take notes. When the person finishes talking, rephrase the nature of the issue. Don't raise your voice. Maintain eye contact.

• Organize your thoughts. Thinking before you speak allows you to respond in a calm and collected manner rather than saying something that will further inflame the situation. You want to defuse the other party's anger and emotions and create an environment in which reconciliation can take place.

• Don't take the disagreement personally. Remind yourself that the conflict is not about you-it's about a specific situation and the reaction of the other party. Focus on the issue, not the emotion. And approach the incident as a problem-solving situation.

• Don't review old history. Rather than discuss what the other party did wrong or defend your own position, focus on how you can both work together more productively in the future.

• Identify ways to resolve the problem. Ask the individual to help you choose a pathway to resolution. By involving the person in the process, you gain his or her commitment and develop a stronger relationship than if you had simply done what it took to achieve resolution by yourself.

• Focus on points of agreement. Identify the needs of the individual and discuss what should change on both sides.

• Identify a diplomatic way to close the conversation. Not every conversation with an angry or emotional individual can be closed without antagonizing the other party. In some cases, you may have to agree to disagree and allow both sides the right to maintain difference.

PASS

• Initiative. Upon realizing that Verna flaked out and failed to provide coffee and doughnuts for waking guests, Bren took it upon himself to take care of this critical task.
   

• Creativity. Danny shined by pioneering the idea for a party on the veranda with hotel guests. He noted that as college graduates, they knew how to party. (Ah yes, those were the days!) It was smart of Magna to collectively entertain their guests outside of their dingy rooms, resulting in high ratings. In contrast, the street smarts entertained their guests by shouting at each other in their courtyard in the pre-dawn hours.
   

• Compassion and heart. Savvy Trump sidekick Carolyn came to Verna's aid with empathy and kindness as she was oddly wandering aimlessly through the New Jersey streets -- suitcase in tow. (Was she going to walk back to Seattle?). Carolyn showed us what a balance of backbone and heart can look like in a strong leader.
   

• Team support. John took the initiative to try to help his struggling team manager Brian with some feedback and ideas about how to better manage his team.

FAIL

• Customer Service.  Hotel managers call the police when guests are fighting outside at night; I suspect the reverse is rarely true.  Yet there members of Net Worth were, loudly engaging in open combat in the pool area shortly before midnight. Never battle in front of your customers -- you don't have to go to college to learn that lesson.
   

• Command and control. Brian's authoritarian and abrasive style of management resulted in mutiny -- which often is the result of that sort of leadership. He failed to inspire any kind of creative team collaboration. His accountant, Kristen, was in open revolt because of his unwillingness to approve a budget. When Kristen rebelled, Brian had no skills to bring her back into the team and inspire her productivity.
   

• Budget and planning first. Despite Kristen's appropriate demand that Brian establish a budget before spending any money, Brian chose to forgo this important step of business planning. He elected instead to showcase his self-appointed label as a great negotiator to replace toilets despite the team's wishes to merely replace the seats. His decision to disregard the advice of his teammates left Net Worth with no cash for critical renovation needs.
   

• When the going gets tough, you don't go hiking. Verna deserted her team in a crunch by electing to quit, complaining that she was exhausted and that she "was not very happy." There are times when extraordinary situations require extraordinary actions. Verna proved that not only is she is not an extraordinary leader but that she's also a quitter. She wined (Oh whoa is me!) about her exhausting check-in desk duties while her teammates were doing the hard labor of renovation tasks. While she lucked out not having to face the boardroom this week, count on seeing Verna there soon. She proved herself to be an unworthy team member and has appointed herself the new target outcast.
   

• No cursing or yelling in the boardroom. Slang, cursing and yelling from the street smarts was unacceptable. Many of them had to be bleeped continually for their use of the f-word -- even in Trump's boardroom! Basic etiquette skills are something the book smarts may have an edge on in this season.
   

• Open to feedback from a proven winner. Effective leaders are self-aware, open learners who assess and learn from their mistakes and welcome feedback from others -- particularly when the feedback comes from a proven successful leader. Brian proved his insecurity by failing to accept John's wise feedback and counsel that he should "soften his tone" if he wanted to get hired by Trump. Despite John's good intentions to help Brian out, Brian elected to openly defy and disregard John. He reacted indignantly, shouting, "If they don't like it, they can go frig themselves!"
   

• Not containing the loose cannon. The highly disruptive Kristen fought openly and vehemently with leader Brian in front of customers and with her team. Kristen's transgression was egregious enough that a good leader would have taken her aside and clearly explained to her that such behavior was unacceptable. In real life, a manager might offer counseling, or anger management training for such an employee, stipulating that the individual either gets it together or loses their position.

The Report Card

Net Worth: Effort -- Performance -- Creativity --   B+ D D	WEEK TWO BOOK SMARTS Magna STREET SMARTS Net Worth
Magna: Effort -- Performance -- Creativity --   B+ C C